My Fantasy Life

"Hi, I'm Chuck Finley." Every time I hear it, I laugh out loud -- me alone in the house. Sometimes there's a little variation, usually accompanied by a more up-scale wardrobe, "Hi, I'm Charles Finley."

All I can say is that it's a really good thing I don't have a Roku on my upstairs TV. If I did and could get Netflix up there, I probably would never have left my bed for a year. As it was, I spent a good bit of time there anyway -- many hours shared between the bed and the sofa, where the PS3 availed the blessed Netflix to me whenever I wanted (unless the boy was home . . . don't you have homework?!)

It wasn't QUITE that bad, but I really did hibernate. Sure, I got up every school day, made breakfast and a good lunch for growing boy -- but if I didn't have to work, and often even when I DID, I would go back to bed. Sometimes I'd go back to sleep; sometimes I'd watch a DVD. Sometimes I would watch the Today Show. But I never read a book.

I was a voracious reader -- always had a book going. I still have an 18" stack of books on my bedside table, but they're untouched and dusty. I just didn't want to read after David died. Reading took effort. I had to throw all I had into LIVING as best I could -- being a mom -- being a good Church Lady -- being a good sister and friend. I think I opened two or three books in a year and didn't finish one of them. My sister tried to goad me back to my reading life by sending me The Hunger Games, but even that didn't work. I read the first chapter -- but I had to work at it! I put it down and didn't pick it up again for ten months. I needed something that required little to no thought, could assist with some necessary emoting, but not really cost me anything.  And I don't mean money.  I discovered Grey's Anatomy.  I had scolded that same sister for watching it just a few years prior -- attempting to do the same thing.  I'm sorry about that. Truly.

I watched every single episode of Grey's Anatomy -- at LEAST twice. If I'm going to be painfully honest, I think I've seen every single episode at least three times. You have to understand this: I watched part of an episode years ago and eschewed it as a stupid, dirty little show. I'm so chagrined. I love it. A sweet girly gifted me with the first two seasons on DVD, so sometimes I had no requirement to leave my bed to get my fix. And it was a fix! It was a delightful escape from MY reality for a few hours here and there. I became "involved" with the characters -- with their

plights and drama and struggles and love and friendship. And the writing is so good! The voice-overs start a story (usually Meredith, who has gone from flaky and unreliable to formidable and comforting) -- sub-plots are developed -- and everything collides at the end with the final voice-overs clinching the whole thing. That's usually when I weep a litte, always surprised that it can do that to me. Emoting without cost. And even dudes swoon a little over McDreamy. If you haven't gotten hooked, you just don't understand. Grey's Anatomy pretty much got me through the the winter. I gained TWENTY pounds!

Hmmm. I started running again. I did well! I'd run and walk for a couple miles -- but would come back and lay down. I didn't really move around. I didn't do housework. I didn't do the laundry. TWENTY pounds... I quit drinking and started running. I didn't lose even ONE pound! I stopped running and started drinking again. LOL. I mean, it was getting hot -- summer had arrived -- so that's my out. But after three cycles of Grey's, I needed something new. I was disgusted with myself ... but only slightly :-)

Oh, okay! Daughter home from college with a huge task: secure a visa to study abroad. We also had the sweetness of lazy morning coffee on the deck (she brewed it; I didn't have to) and easy crosswords! Son: finish those last few weeks and graduate from high school. Great distractions from "no more Greys." (There was some HIMYM in there, though ... and some Scrubs ... and House. I like those medical shows. Go figure.)

So we started to pack for her 4+ months in the southern hemisphere. I began to experience what I never had the chance to feel when she left for her first year in college: the loss of her departure from home! I delivered her to college her freshman year, returned home to find David a physical wreck; took him to the hospital and he never returned home. How can you live through that AND permit the grand departure of your precious first-born to wash over you!? You cannot and survive. So, this summer, it all hit me. And it hit me hard. I hid it pretty well, I think. I mean, I AM so happy and excited for her! but the void her departure left has been difficult. Skype is my friend, though I had to endure three very long weeks before I could see her sweet face AND hear her voice simultaneously to know for real that she was safe and happy. She is very, very far away.

But, heck! Not only did I have to deal with THAT, but I also had to prepare to send my baby to college. This baby is a very adorable and muscular (I have to say that) young man who is sporting a pretty respectable goatee of sorts (allow me to turn and giggle here). He "grew" a lot this summer! He became a golfer! Yet he was pretty reluctant to make the necessary preparations to go off to college! Enter a good, healthy, if not terrifying, distraction: Shopping and the storing-up of Ramen and this and that to make sure that he has home away from home. He could've cared less! (until we were unpacking in his dorm room -- then it hit him: this is good.) Now all this time that we were working up to the day he was to leave, he was seeing friends, doing lots of driving range stuff, golfing, holding nerf wars, etc. (I'm pretty sure there was some cigar-smoking in there, too. Oy.) so I had a good bit of alone time. New show! It's not an obsession, but I like it. It's funny. It's comfort food. I am attached. I like the interaction between the characters. I like Charles Finley.

(My sister isn't so enamoured. She just doesn't get it. Maybe next year she'll come around, like I did with Grey's.)

AND, I have begun to read again. This was a very important milestone. A return to a little bit of who I am. It was alarming and exciting and perplexing all at the same time. The Derecho jump-started my reading and The Hunger Games was the avenue. As per my typical over-the-top behavior, I read the entire series three times. I read the first book by sunlight and candlelight during a five-day, post Derecho power outage. Oh, cool -- no electricity: NO NETFLIX. Problem solved by the Virgo. READ A BOOK. So I did. Then I read the sequel. Then I read them both again. Then I took my daughter to the airport and put her on a plane to the other side of the world -- drove home in torrential rain and stopped at a Target in the middle of nowhere to purchase the hardcover 3rd in the series! I was reading again.

These days, I'm not spending the majority of the day on the sofa or in bed -- I'm writing and reading and cooking -- (not always doing the dishes). I haven't lost a pound yet, but I'm hoping! I've read a little Sookie (I make no apologies!) and am now reading a cast-off vampire novel from a fellow church lady! ha ha ha But still allow myself to enjoy a little Burn Notice from time to time. After all, it's all about relating.

There's nothing more vital to our flourishing than beauty and fulfillment through our relationships. Thank you, sweet daughter, precious son, irreplaceable family and friends, constant Lord. I need to pick up that Book more.


Got an email informing me that Grey's Anatomy Season 8 is now available on Netflix. Hmmmm. I wonder when Vampire Diaries Season 3 is coming! I think I need a Roku upstairs ...