Meetings of Beautiful Minds, Souls & Voices

Tonight I had my third evening meeting of the week. Two out of these three were choral rehearsals, which are pleasurable -- a good mix of music and fellowship. Tonight was a church committee meeting and it was a good one. I came out feeling energized and positive -- like the Holy Spirit was moderating. That's not always the case.

I am a complicated mix of social and introverted. I love my downtime -- enjoy solitary activities like knitting, reading and blogging (and Netflix) -- but also need time with my family and friends. I'm currently blessed with lots of friends and am a little lean on the family, though my son unexpectedly called me this morning. It was delightful to catch up with him for a few minutes before he had to leave for class. He gets to meet with other guitarists, other Spanish speakers, and other singers from time to time throughout the week, too. He's both an introvert and a people person. I think my whole little family is this strange mix.

David transformed from an introvert to an extrovert on the stage. Though sometimes he appeared to be reticent, if you really listened, he was putting it all out there. He often showed his very dry and sometimes hilarious sense of humor. He "moderated" those meetings with a bunch of strangers in a dark room by giving glimpses of the very depths of his heart, mind and soul -- very effectively evoking a response from his fellow conveners. But get him in a room with even friends and acquaintances, and he pretty quickly moved to the kitchen to graze on the food offerings. He tended to withdraw unless he found himself involved in an engaging conversation. Even in those preferred intimate social settings, he could tire from the socializing and long to depart -- to go home and descend into his favorite reading chair -- and I was expected to follow. This withdrawal tended to cause some conflict with us. I loved time spent with our friends in social settings, but really disliked being wifey in large groups of strangers following a concert. Of course, I was never able to attend that many of his concerts -- and he wasn't home often enough to attend many social events on weekends with me here at home. I'm depressing myself.

I guess life isn't all that different for me now. I'm still on my own attending social functions unless I can get my daughter to be my date, which she will be from time to time. I'm really blessed that not only does she seem to like spending time with me, but that she also enjoys all of my friends (consider this high praise, sweet friends). Nice, huh? My widow sister and I have even agreed to be each other's 'husband' for a couple events -- including our cousin's wedding. We were pretty much the only women there without spouses.

You know what I miss more than anything else about all of this social stuff? There's nobody to have my back -- to watch out for and watch over me. I have no champion right there in my corner -- one person for whom I am the very most important person in this whole wide world. Nobody to catch my eye from across a crowded room just to make sure that I'm okay. That person who will take my side no matter what -- but then love me enough to point out my [small] flaws and mistakes. Someone who always gives me the benefit of the doubt because he knows my true heart and my true nature. That one person who knows every single thing about me -- all my quirky idiosyncrasies (I guess that's a little redundant and repetitive ...) and also the noble and wonderful things about me. David could really pull all of that out and say it in a freaking song! His beautiful words could paint me as the most amazing girl in the world. That's how his love cast a light on me -- as exquisite and worthy of his adoration and affection. I am bereft without his love right here and right now.

Uncleaving ... I'm really bad at it.

So, for now, I guess, I keep going to my meetings. I offer my voice to a group to create beauty in sound, I offer my mind and my faith to the work of the church, I continue to spend time with dear friends and share my spirit and heart with them and find beauty in those relationships. And I continue to be, perhaps, that most important person in the world to my kids for the very brief remaining time until they find their own lifemates.

Actually, I want to be a singer in a band -- you know, like the Decemberists or something -- singing great songs in amazing harmony. One can dream ...

She's Got Style, david m. bailey

She’s pretty as a princess.  She’s careful as a cat.
She’s stronger than Gibraltar, but she’ll never tell you that.
She’s simple as a raindrop, but there’s mystery in her smile.
In a thousand different ways … she’s got style.

She can heal you when you’re wounded, but she can also break your heart.
She’s got a head for science, but she’s got an eye for art.
She never runs a red light, but she’ll go the extra mile.
In more ways I can count, she’s got style.  She’s got style.

Me, I’m clumsy as they come.  I dance with two left feet.
My shirt is always wrinkled.  I’m slow and bittersweet.
So I don’t know why she loves me or why she walked me up the aisle.
But don’t let that mislead you ‘cause she’s got style.  She’s got style.

She’ll dazzle you in denim.  She has no need for silk.
She’s the life of every party, even though she’s drinking milk.
She’s gentle as a snowflake, but she’ll beat you in a trial.
She’s more than I deserve.   She’s got style.  Yeh, she’s got style.

http://www.davidmbailey.com/audio/DAVID_M_BAILEY-Shes_Got_Styl_hifi.m3u