Halos

I've been thinking a lot about angels lately. I'm not quite sure why. I think it's because of some truly caring acts to which I have been witness -- or of which I have been the recipient -- over the last few weeks. I think people have a very broad idea of what angels are. From a relatively secular standpoint, we refer to those who are thoughtful and act on their mindfulness through random acts of kindness as "angels." From a Biblical standpoint, those fierce supernatural creatures are servants of God and celestial beings who act as intermediaries between Heaven and Earth. The word "angel" in Hebrew and Greek in ancient times meant "messenger," and depending on the context may refer either to a human messenger or a supernatural messenger. I think that these two concepts of what it means to be an angel are actually quite synonymous.

Sometimes I just feel called to do something kind. When I get that nagging feeling, I try not to ignore it, but to act on it. Does that make me a human messenger and servant of God? I sure hope so! I have certainly been on the receiving end of the works of angels -- both heavenly and earthly.

My husband was a true believer in angels. He collected angel "coins" and doled them out as he saw fit. When he died, some anonymous angel sent me a little net bag full of angel coins. I have no idea why. But the gift spoke to me personally. I had one in my wallet at that very moment -- a gift from my husband. He once gave me a bookmark with a poem about angels and attached to it was a penny with a cut-out of an angel in it. I carried that bookmark with attached angel penny around in my wallet for years -- then got smart and simply placed the penny in my change purse. About a year ago, I noticed that it was no longer there!! I guess I unknowingly spent it! At first, I was remorseful -- but then I knew that it was good. Someone else would receive that message -- that angel -- an intermediary between heaven and earth. I have doled-out 7 of the ten gifted angel coins myself ... three more! To whom will I give them?

On more than one occasion, people told David that they had either seen angels around him as he performed -- and I mean legions -- many angels -- or heard angels singing when he was singing. He had a really difficult time believing this. The Scriptures teach us that we must have faith WITHOUT seeing -- and I have been taught that that includes no visions of angels! The experiences that were shared with David by these blessed were many years apart. The first time was during a healing service way back in the late 90's. Many were invited to be anointed with oil and David, himself, was anointed. Yeh, we Presbyterians do that. The more recent occurence was just a few years ago at a Presbyterian gathering. He was performing in a large auditorium and two of his closest friends informed him after the concert that they had heard angels singing. One was Presbyterian pastor -- no snake handler! and one was a lifetime friend not known for silliness. They were sitting on opposite sides of the venue and had never met. He was quite affected by their claims. I was envious -- yes, jealous -- of those who have been so blessed to see or hear those. What did these visions and hearings mean? Why did I not warrant the experience? Was David truly a messenger of God? Many believe that he was.

In the brain tumor community, those who have died are collectively referred to as angels. More "modern" concepts of angels are that they are guiding influences or guardian spirits. It's a comforting idea -- but I think it's more of an honor bestowed upon those who have lost that fight. They deserve to be honored. Who doesn't want to be an angel somehow someway to someone?

A common torture that many brain tumor patients endure is the "halo." I have a few really horrifying memories from David's journey with brain cancer. The halo is one of them. Imagine, if you will, the need for complete immobility during brain surgery -- awake brain surgery. Also imagine the requirement for that same stillness during a brain MRI used for surgical mapping. How do you do this? Well, you screw a contraption into someone's head with a ring -- a halo -- out around the circumference of the head with which to stabilize the head during surgery and MRI -- it actually fits into a frame in the MRI machine. I'm not entirely certain what they attach it to in surgery, though I made it as far as pre-op once and was nearly invited into the OR by a disgusted surgeon. The residents who "attached" David's first halo should have been severely punished -- kicked out of the surgical program. And I was too freaking meek to express my complete and total dismay at their incompetence and cavalier mentality.

David's halo was necessary for a biopsy following his first stint with nuclear medicine -- to find out if what was showing up on the MRI was cancer or not cancer. We were in a regular old hospital room and David was fully clothed. The doctors came in -- all arrogant and neuro-surgeon-like (no wonder I love McDreamy). They stuck needles in David's forehead, injecting him with Lidocaine above each eye -- and then in mirror-positions at the back of his head. They didn't even let the Lidocaine take effect -- in fact, they didn't even let the swelling decrease. He had four golf-balls on his head and they started screwing real screws straight into his skull. I was powerless. He was in excruciating pain and all I could do was lock onto his tortured eyes -- with volumes of reciprocal tears running down my own face. Have you ever had to witness someone you love endure such suffering? It was awful. All they had to say to him was that it shouldn't have hurt. (I'm biting my tongue, but all I'm getting is a mouth full of blood -- nod to the Fruit Bats). They sent him to pre-op in jeans and a sweatshirt -- not a hospital gown -- with an enormous contraption attached to his head, so they had to CUT OFF his clothes. Our surgeon was fit to be tied ... and basically invited me into surgery. How far does the "do no harm" pledge extend? David was truly an angel that day. I think God would agree.

So ... God's messengers ... were at my house working on my over-grown yard when I was away last week. They left a calling-card -- mums on my porch -- a weeded flowerbed by my front walk -- and vast destruction of pigweed! What was their message from God? "Leslie, you are a beloved child of mine." Heartfelt thanks to those yard-work angels. Really. Coolers full of homemade cookies, homegrown herbs and fresh-cut flowers are packages left by an angel; her message is that she hasn't forgotten that I'm alone -- that I'm grieving. Unexpected cards in the mail -- text messages out of the blue -- chocolates on my desk -- the random six-pack. They are messages from God of love. Yay!

Angel coins given in change: Hebrews 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. And hospitality to those you already know and love, too!!

I used to tell David that he had a legion of angels working overtime for him. He'd lived through a war, been captured and interrogated, experienced a deadly car accident, survived grade IV brain cancer, been hit by a car! had close-calls when driving when he should not have been, had seizures in foreign countries and been cared-for -- and he always made it home. Is it any wonder that I now require my own angels? I'm actually chuckling. Goodness gracious.


Not All Angels
David M. Bailey

Not all angels have wings
Not all angels dress in white
Not all angels can sing
Not all Angels shine bright

Some are rough around the edges
Some have dirt under their nails
Some wear boots, some wear suits
Some angels are even in jail

Not all angels have wings
Not all angels dress in white
Not all angels can sing
Not all Angels shine bright

Some drink coffee in the morning
Some drink beer in the afternoon
Some sleep in on the weekends
Some leave us far too soon.